Having lived in the New Haven area all my life, I am shamed to say that I have never had pizza from Wooster Street. I'm sorry, but I just don't find waiting outside on the street for hours for a dirty table and greesy walls appealing. I like pizza, but not that much. I'm impatient when it comes to eating! Call me a pig, but when my stomach is growling, there's nothing on this planet that is going to make me happy about waiting. Sammy can serve the sucker on a solid gold plate, nude with a side of Cabo and I'm still going to be preturbed! But last night, waiting is exactly what I did.
Here's how it happened.
"Happy Birthday Becky! I know you hate mommy's cooking, cause it all ends up tasting like burnt cereal boxes, so where would you like to go for dinner?"
" I want to go to Pepe's or Sallys (mom cringes) and then to Libby's for pastry."(the day is now improving. Did she say Libby's???)
" Sure baby, anything you want on your birthday." (Sigh)
Finish work, walk the dog, change cloths, pick up child's best friend, and it's over the Q bridge we go singing Creed songs. Amazed to find the perfect parking spot. No line outside of Sallys. Wow, maybe this will turn out great!
Enter an aging, cantankerous Malibu Barbie! Yes, you read that right. We walk in the front door of a dirty, outdated hallway of a pizza joint with walls covered with random photos of famous people with broken frames and cracked glass. The ceiling tiles are stained from the days when smoking was allowed inside, the tile floor is missing pieces, showing the stained subfloor and ribbons of tile adheasive. Normally, this is my kind of place! Being a redneck chick, I love a good dive. Those fancy resteraunts that frown on me and my comfy old jeans are just a little to stuffy for this beer drinking barfly. Back to Barbie. We walk in the door and wait for someone to take us to one of the 2 empty and clean tables. Down the tiny walkway between the walls of tables comes a life size barbie doll. Me "Holy Crap, Barbie didn't age well. Mental note, avoid the sun at all costs or end up wearing leather year round." (No, I DIDN'T say it outloud, but I do have extensive conversations with myself. One of the side effects of being single at 38.) Ok, this will be cool for the girls. WRONG! Barbie, why arn't you smiling as you come to greet your first time customers? Why do you look like you finally found out Ken has been messing around with Skipper for the last 40 years? Are you really carrying a meat cleaver in your hand? (Not really, I'm taking creative license and adding that part so you can get the idea of just how pissed off Barbie looked at our presence in the dream house). So here she is. Standing right in front of us. Here's your description.
Very long, straight hair in a high pony tail that lands somewhere around her ass crack. At one point, I'm sure it was blonde but after 40 years of putting up with a fairy like Ken, it's now turned gray. On the right side of her head, she's wearing a faded plastic flower piece that looks like something Lola would have worn at the Copacabana. Hey, maybe Lola is the mother that Barbie never talked about??? OMG Barbie is Lola and Tony's love child! Right, back to the description. She's wearing a hawiian print strapless sundress and 6 inch spike heals. Her skin is tan. VERY TAN! (Hence Malibu Barbie) It looks like the warn leather couch hand me down couch in my living room. Waaaaaay to much bright make up covering a crypt keeper like face. Ok, fine. I'm not into looks anyway. I'm sure she's got a sparkling personality. NOT!
Me - "Hi we'd like a table for 3. (Insert big smile here)
Barbie - "You can't come inside! You have to wait outside the front door for someone to let you in! (Insert bigger scowl here)
Me - "But there is no line outside and there are some tables open" (smile) (Thinking bite me Barbie you bitch!)
Her - "Wait outside. Someone will come and get you! (Turns on gold heals and promotly marches away like one would expect a Pizza Nazi to march)
Me - "WTF???? Becky, do you want to go to Pepe's instead?"
Becky - "Noooooo! I want to eat here!"
Me - "Sigh"
So out into the rain we go. You would think that making customers wait in the rain, they would be kind enough to provide an awning? NOOOOOOOOO! So what the hell. We make the best of it and start dancing in the rain. That gets old as we wait, and wait and wait... Now I'm just a little T'd off. I know you have tables waiting Barbie. I can see them when I squish my face up against the glass and make pig faces at you. By the way, wash the damn windows once in a while, they taste like ass! (Just to clarify, I DO NOT know what ass tastes like from personal experience!) Girls, look sad and pathetic, someone just looked up! YES, here comes a lady to let us in... and she's smiling! Finally, we get to try the best pizza in the world! (Their words, not mine)
We are seated at a table right in front of the counter where Nazi Barbie is inspecting her nails and probably trying to decide how she can best dispose of Ken and use the insurance money for yet another tummy tuck. Sigh...
Menus! What's this? A shitty beer selection? No Mic Ultra? No Bud? No Guiness? Ok, Rolling Rock it is. The waitress is very pleasent and helpful. I express my sadness at Libby's being closed on Tuesdays for birthday dessert and she winks at me. Either she thinks I look hot in my wet tee-shirt, sticky jeans and sopping wet hair, or she has a plan. Let's go with number 2 for the sake of not feeling creepy!
We wait under a picture of Bing Crosby eating pizza at this same booth and talk, giggle and generally act silly. Finally, the pizza arrives! Yes, the wink was for a plan! The pizza has a sparkler on it and a candle on the side for B to blow out. The waiter even sings to her. Barbie looks up and scowls. BITCH!
It's finally time to dig in. We've got 3 small pizza's to sample. Potato, onion and rosemary. Tomato and basil, sausage and pepper. I'm ready for my slice of heaven. On the count of 3 girls, Ready, set, bite! Insert pizza. Chew. Wait for wow effect! Ummm, hello? Wow effect? Mind altering spices making my head dance in delight? What the hell, it tastes just like every other pizza I've ever had! Where are the pretty colors? Sigh...why must my life be filled with disapointment?
It wasn't bad pizza. It wasn't great pizza. It was just a pizza. I still think Honeyspot has the best pizza, even after tasting some of the "Best Pizza in the world". You can't beat the chicken florencia! Trust me, Sally's isn't worth the hype. Sooooo, home we go!
1am... wake up soooo freaking thirsty I drink what seems like half a gallon of water. Much better. Yup, you know what happens next.
2am...wake up, I gotta PEEEEE!
2:40.... my mouth is burning, WATER!
3:30....gotta peeee!
4:15....ya, you get the picture.
6am....stupid alarm clock, leave me alone! I've been up all night drinking like a freaking camel and peeing like a horse! Wow, did the roof of my mouth really burn off from all that salt? Ouch! Thanks Barbie you stupid pizza bitch! I hope Ken's bopping Lola in the back of your pink corvette. Sigh...
Here's how it happened.
"Happy Birthday Becky! I know you hate mommy's cooking, cause it all ends up tasting like burnt cereal boxes, so where would you like to go for dinner?"
" I want to go to Pepe's or Sallys (mom cringes) and then to Libby's for pastry."(the day is now improving. Did she say Libby's???)
" Sure baby, anything you want on your birthday." (Sigh)
Finish work, walk the dog, change cloths, pick up child's best friend, and it's over the Q bridge we go singing Creed songs. Amazed to find the perfect parking spot. No line outside of Sallys. Wow, maybe this will turn out great!
Enter an aging, cantankerous Malibu Barbie! Yes, you read that right. We walk in the front door of a dirty, outdated hallway of a pizza joint with walls covered with random photos of famous people with broken frames and cracked glass. The ceiling tiles are stained from the days when smoking was allowed inside, the tile floor is missing pieces, showing the stained subfloor and ribbons of tile adheasive. Normally, this is my kind of place! Being a redneck chick, I love a good dive. Those fancy resteraunts that frown on me and my comfy old jeans are just a little to stuffy for this beer drinking barfly. Back to Barbie. We walk in the door and wait for someone to take us to one of the 2 empty and clean tables. Down the tiny walkway between the walls of tables comes a life size barbie doll. Me "Holy Crap, Barbie didn't age well. Mental note, avoid the sun at all costs or end up wearing leather year round." (No, I DIDN'T say it outloud, but I do have extensive conversations with myself. One of the side effects of being single at 38.) Ok, this will be cool for the girls. WRONG! Barbie, why arn't you smiling as you come to greet your first time customers? Why do you look like you finally found out Ken has been messing around with Skipper for the last 40 years? Are you really carrying a meat cleaver in your hand? (Not really, I'm taking creative license and adding that part so you can get the idea of just how pissed off Barbie looked at our presence in the dream house). So here she is. Standing right in front of us. Here's your description.
Very long, straight hair in a high pony tail that lands somewhere around her ass crack. At one point, I'm sure it was blonde but after 40 years of putting up with a fairy like Ken, it's now turned gray. On the right side of her head, she's wearing a faded plastic flower piece that looks like something Lola would have worn at the Copacabana. Hey, maybe Lola is the mother that Barbie never talked about??? OMG Barbie is Lola and Tony's love child! Right, back to the description. She's wearing a hawiian print strapless sundress and 6 inch spike heals. Her skin is tan. VERY TAN! (Hence Malibu Barbie) It looks like the warn leather couch hand me down couch in my living room. Waaaaaay to much bright make up covering a crypt keeper like face. Ok, fine. I'm not into looks anyway. I'm sure she's got a sparkling personality. NOT!
Me - "Hi we'd like a table for 3. (Insert big smile here)
Barbie - "You can't come inside! You have to wait outside the front door for someone to let you in! (Insert bigger scowl here)
Me - "But there is no line outside and there are some tables open" (smile) (Thinking bite me Barbie you bitch!)
Her - "Wait outside. Someone will come and get you! (Turns on gold heals and promotly marches away like one would expect a Pizza Nazi to march)
Me - "WTF???? Becky, do you want to go to Pepe's instead?"
Becky - "Noooooo! I want to eat here!"
Me - "Sigh"
So out into the rain we go. You would think that making customers wait in the rain, they would be kind enough to provide an awning? NOOOOOOOOO! So what the hell. We make the best of it and start dancing in the rain. That gets old as we wait, and wait and wait... Now I'm just a little T'd off. I know you have tables waiting Barbie. I can see them when I squish my face up against the glass and make pig faces at you. By the way, wash the damn windows once in a while, they taste like ass! (Just to clarify, I DO NOT know what ass tastes like from personal experience!) Girls, look sad and pathetic, someone just looked up! YES, here comes a lady to let us in... and she's smiling! Finally, we get to try the best pizza in the world! (Their words, not mine)
We are seated at a table right in front of the counter where Nazi Barbie is inspecting her nails and probably trying to decide how she can best dispose of Ken and use the insurance money for yet another tummy tuck. Sigh...
Menus! What's this? A shitty beer selection? No Mic Ultra? No Bud? No Guiness? Ok, Rolling Rock it is. The waitress is very pleasent and helpful. I express my sadness at Libby's being closed on Tuesdays for birthday dessert and she winks at me. Either she thinks I look hot in my wet tee-shirt, sticky jeans and sopping wet hair, or she has a plan. Let's go with number 2 for the sake of not feeling creepy!
We wait under a picture of Bing Crosby eating pizza at this same booth and talk, giggle and generally act silly. Finally, the pizza arrives! Yes, the wink was for a plan! The pizza has a sparkler on it and a candle on the side for B to blow out. The waiter even sings to her. Barbie looks up and scowls. BITCH!
It's finally time to dig in. We've got 3 small pizza's to sample. Potato, onion and rosemary. Tomato and basil, sausage and pepper. I'm ready for my slice of heaven. On the count of 3 girls, Ready, set, bite! Insert pizza. Chew. Wait for wow effect! Ummm, hello? Wow effect? Mind altering spices making my head dance in delight? What the hell, it tastes just like every other pizza I've ever had! Where are the pretty colors? Sigh...why must my life be filled with disapointment?
It wasn't bad pizza. It wasn't great pizza. It was just a pizza. I still think Honeyspot has the best pizza, even after tasting some of the "Best Pizza in the world". You can't beat the chicken florencia! Trust me, Sally's isn't worth the hype. Sooooo, home we go!
1am... wake up soooo freaking thirsty I drink what seems like half a gallon of water. Much better. Yup, you know what happens next.
2am...wake up, I gotta PEEEEE!
2:40.... my mouth is burning, WATER!
3:30....gotta peeee!
4:15....ya, you get the picture.
6am....stupid alarm clock, leave me alone! I've been up all night drinking like a freaking camel and peeing like a horse! Wow, did the roof of my mouth really burn off from all that salt? Ouch! Thanks Barbie you stupid pizza bitch! I hope Ken's bopping Lola in the back of your pink corvette. Sigh...
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